AM
by Alphabet Scribes
Summary: There's just something about being online in the wee hours . . .


Title: It's 4 a.m., I must Be Terrified  
Genre: Buffy  
Rating: PG  
  
It's 4 a.m., I Must Be Terrified  
  
The computer tone let her that a connection with her internet server  
had finally been made and, once again, she had zoned out during dial-  
up. Only half-aware she watched the homepage load only to be  
wrenched back into reality by the pinging of her instant messenger as  
she was automatically signed in.  
Obviously turning the computer sounds back on had been a good  
idea, she thought, as she logged into one of her two e-mail  
accounts. Willow would be . . .but her mind skittered off that  
thought as if trying to find balance on a steep and icy slope. There  
were too many emotions, too many bad (wonderful), awful (awing)  
things where thoughts of Willow and many of the others were concerned.  
(She missed Giles.)  
One by one she clicked the little box beside each piece of  
new mail -- junk, junk, junk, ew porno, junk, junk -- before it  
occurred to her to click the Check All box the free up the messages  
she did want. But then it wouldn't take as long.  
Her instant messenger made that sound that always made her  
imagine a rose was blooming in one of the corners of her computer. A  
window popped up as she clicked on the blinking taskbar button.  
  
Lycanthropology Major: Buffy?  
  
Brow furrowed she typed back.  
  
The Choose Another One: do I know you?  
  
She was pretty sure that name wasn't on her buddy list.  
  
Lycanthropology Major: it's Oz, Buff  
The Choose Another One: Oz!! what're you doing online? wait, let me  
add you to my list  
Lycanthropology Major: i could ask u the same  
  
Busy adding Oz's handle to her list she didn't notice his  
reply or the pinging of the messenger until the blinking taskbar  
caught her eye. She read the message. With a humorless smile she  
replied.  
  
The Choose Another One: it's 4 a.m. I must be terrified  
Oz: ?  
  
Buffy shook her head, even online Oz was condensed.  
  
Oz: let's go 2 my chat room, k? feels more comfortable & u can make  
ur own avatar  
The Choose Another One: avatar? uh, ok  
  
She wasn't sure how being in a chat room was any more personal than  
im'ing but, whatever. Clicking the link Oz sent her she soon learned  
what an avatar was. The closest she could come to herself was a  
yellow-blond who wasn't quite Britney Spears/Christina Aguilera  
skanky. Grimacing to herself she had to admit at this point her  
skank-ho factor was least of her concerns.  
"Name?" the computer prompted  
B-U-F-F-Y, she typed. Well, if it was supposed to be her it  
might as well have her name.  
This avatar thing was cool, she decided walking her pictured  
self to a small round table and "sat" across from Oz.  
  
Buffy: This is cool. you design it?  
Oz: yeah  
Buffy: why does your avatar look like you and mine is a close  
approximation?  
Oz: it's custom  
Buffy: ahh  
  
Oz was right, this was more comfortable. She could almost  
imagine she really was sitting outside a small cafe while he strummed  
on . . .his guitar? Where had that come from? Buffy shrugged. As  
if her life right now were any more or less predictable than this  
moment. That'd be a definite no.  
"So what did you mean by 'It's 4 a.m., I must be terrified?"  
He looked up from the strings.  
A gentle breeze blew across Buffy's face. She tucked a loose  
strand behind her ear. "Willow didn't tell you?"  
"Tell me what?"  
"I died."  
"You look pretty good for a dead girl." Head cocked to one  
side he studied her. "Actually you don't. What's this make, twice?"  
he asked, returning to his strumming.  
"Yeah," sigh, "it does."  
"You don't seem to happy about it. The reliving thing. What  
happened."  
Buffy gave him a Reader's Digest version of Dawn, Glory, the  
Key and her death. Somehow she managed to tell him the entire story  
without feeling a thing. But really, when she thought about it, that  
wasn't so unusual after all, was it?  
"So you have a sister," his face didn't quite believe her.  
Then again he'd never met Dawn.  
Buffy laughed, "You're probably the only person who remembers  
what it was like before. You and Faith. The real world," her face  
darkened.  
"But it's not the real world for you guys anymore."  
She shook her head.  
"And this isn't the real world for you either, is it?"  
It was her turn to look up sharply at him as Oz had when  
she'd explained she wasn't an only child anymore.  
"Willow didn't bring you back from Hell did she?"  
Buffy hadn't mentioned anything about Hell, only that Willow  
had raised her from the dead. "What are you talking about Oz?" But  
she couldn't put the heat into her voice that it needed to make her  
statement in any way forceful. Or even alive.  
Oz lay his hand flat across the strings of his  
guitar. "How'd she do it, Buffy? How'd she bring you back? Did you  
materialize? Did they do it in Giles' place? At the cemetery? At  
your grave?"  
"Why do you want to know?"  
"Curious. I've been studying Eastern medicine. And you're,"  
he searched for the word, the perfect word, "off. Just a little off-  
center. Whatever Willow did it was off. I want help. If I can."  
Brow furrowed, Buffy described what it was like coming back  
ignoring all of Oz's questions.  
"I'm sorry Buffy for what she did to you." He lay a hand  
over hers. "I know about your fear . . .of being buried alive. They  
should have researched it better." He withdrew his hand. Plucking  
another melody from the strings he added, "She should have never  
pulled you from Heaven."  
"How did you know?"  
"Two plus two equals four not ten. There wouldn't have been  
a lot of spells at Willow's disposal. If she had gone to Giles he  
would told her that it wasn't just the witch that had to be worthy  
but the soul. If you had been just anyone it wouldn't have been  
granted. If you had been just anywhere, same thing. And you said a  
demon came back with you?" She nodded. "Evil to balance good. You  
told them?"  
Buffy laughed, surprised to be genuinely amused. "Oh I can  
see it now. 'Hey guys, that little spell you performed behind Giles'  
back to bring me back from an evil hell dimension so you guys could  
have a slayer back pulled me from the happiest moments I have, and  
probably will ever, experience. Thanks.' Yeah, that's so happening  
Oz."  
His eyebrows rose and fell quickly, agreeing.  
"Spike's right, it really is Sunnyhell," she added  
contemplatively.  
They didn't speak for a long time. Buffy liked that.  
"So you're having trouble sleeping?" She nodded. "I'm gonna  
be in town next week, like in a few days. Wanna do something?"  
Buffy sighed. "Anything to keep from sleeping."  
"Dreams?"  
"Dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night and think I'm  
in some nightmare." Her eyes took on a far away look. "Everything's  
so blurry like nothing's real. It's better than the first couple of  
days but nothing seems solid, not even my reflection."  
"You know there's a theory that Heaven's just like Earth --  
sans Hellmouth, muggers and rapists of course -- but more real. That  
this is just a pale reflection of Heaven, all fuzzy around the edges."  
"Is that how you knew that I wasn't in, you know, Hell?"  
He shrugged, "Educated guess. You know you really should  
talk to someone else about this. I'm only going to be around for a  
few days." Her eyes refused to meet hers. "What? Who'd you tell  
already?"  
Wincing she said, "Spike."  
Oz's eyebrows climbed to his hair. "Not my first choice for  
poignant disclosures."  
"He supposedly loves me."  
"Really." Again his face didn't believe her.  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, well, I don't believe him  
either but he'll keep a secret. I hope. It was impulsive. Oh God,  
I told Spike!" She bumped her head on the table.  
"No need for physical damage. It's okay. Buffy?" he looked  
at her askance when she didn't raise her head.  
"I told Spike!"  
"So noted."  
The light outside her bedroom window caught Buffy's  
attention.  
  
Buffy: Oz, I don't know where you are but dawn's rosy fingers are  
creeping on the horizon here.  
Oz: huh?  
Buffy: we're reading The Iliad for my classics class  
Oz: ahh. how'r u liking achilles' fifty names  
Buffy: greeeat. anyway, i need at least an hour's sleep before  
classes start  
Oz: classics 1st?  
Buffy: better believe it.  
Oz: ok, np  
Buffy: np?  
Oz: no problem. so i'll be around sometime next week. i'll give u a  
call?  
Buffy: e-mail me. don't need anyone else knowing my post-midnight  
activities  
Oz: gotcha. u know, buff, maybe u should talk to spike some more. i  
mean, unless ur always online around 4 a.m. pacific time  
  
Buffy didn't answer for a long time.  
  
Buffy: i'll think about it.  
Oz: tell me how it goes  
Buffy: i said i'd think about it, not do it  
Oz: tell me how it goes  
Buffy: good *bye* Oz  
Oz: nite Buffy. dreamless sleep  
Buffy: thanks  
  
Fin


End file.
